Don’t want to do it AGAIN.

I felt worse. But this was different.
So far, I think I have felt every single emotion every human being is allotted to feel-- fear, anger, anxiety, happiness, exuberance... name it, and I am sure I could give you a concrete experience.

They said it was "love". I said it was "love", well, when I was so drunk that I could not even stand for a minimum of a second. I don't regret getting drunk and exposing my little secret to whoever was there at the secret hideout but I must say, the the juice was not worth the squeeze. What I bargained for, was far less than what I "supposedly" expected.

It has already been nearly nine months since the first confession, and I did it over again twice after that. Of course I got drunk again. But i could not deny how excruciating the pain was... waiting and waiting...

It hurts my pride when I spill out that I cried, a lot. Silent tears were never my favorite thing in the world, but at that time it seemed like the only thing to do to keep me sane. Now, I can’t call it love, love isn't supposed to be like this, it shouldn't be a one way street, a faulty telephone connection, a gloomy afternoon. I simply don't want to do it again.

The sad part is, it has been more than a year, those days of being "happy" and "inspired"-- I would like to experience them again. But please, with another one. He is simply a memory and he'll always stay there buried and forgotten.
I wish I had the license to kill, but sadly, I am no James Bond. He's too harsh and I am too patient. An unlikely pair.

Goodbye to him.